Married to the military…

Here I thought I was married to a man that I fell in love with almost overnight but you can’t break free of what you’ve been taught for so long. He’s been in the military for ten plus years and has been deployed almost as much as he’s been in. He shows the changes a man goes through after being in so long, stern, unbending, and sometimes uncaring. You have to have a face of stone in the military, and he is very good at having one. Sometimes it’s really hard to watch someone do what they’ve been doing for a long time and not being able to change that. He was taught and absolutely knows how to handle every situation, in the military. When it comes to life, family and being at home, the military should stop at the door. It’s so so hard for me to bite my tongue sometimes because of the way he reacts to situations that shouldn’t have such a big reaction. Dealing with a woman and kids is a lot different than dealing with a bunch of guys especially on a daily basis. I have felt this way for a long time, but between deployments and surgery I have left it to the back of my burner. I have managed to pushed everyone away, meaning I currently have no friends, alienating myself to have my husband as my only friend. I hate to say this, but he sucks as a friend and so that leaves me to talk to no one. I am sort of floating on through life, not really going anywhere, but stuck in this place i’m in. I’m unhappy and it’s only my own fault. Previously married, I have two children who mean everything to me. I would do anything for them, and I hate to say it, but they come before anything else. When someone hurts them, they hurt me. I am only going to have these two children, and they are the only children I have. I came from a background of whole and complete families, without needing to accept children from another person into our family, so I can’t myself. I don’t like anyone else’s kids but my own, and that’s because I control my own children and know how to handle them, and they know how to handle me. I have been through a lot and i’m only 31 I think sometimes people don’t really pay attention to what has created a person anymore. For a long time it was just my girls and I until I met my husband. I let him in and trusted him to take care of us and keep us safe. I am starting to feel like now it’s more of withstanding the life that is outside of work for him, and that he would rather do other things. He ignores the fact that he has only been home almost 3 months from a deployment and it’s already wearing on him. I suppose the only thing I can do is let him figure out what he needs because 99% of the time, he won’t tell me. Sometimes I give up on trying to decipher or understand. 

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2 thoughts on “Married to the military…

  1. Does your husband have PTSD??? Mine does and he doesnt tell me how he is feeling. he bottles it up inside. The other night he got drunk and told me a few things only because I kept asking and asking. Is he home permanently?

    • No, luckily he made it through every deployment without any injuries and trauma. But I still think it wears on you. I’m so sorry about your husbands struggles but I know how you feel. My first husband did the same thing but kept going out with his unmarried buddies. If you ever want to talk about it I will listen :-)

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